Reflective practice and capability building 

(This article draws on the work of Jordan and Lundin - see book reviews)

Many people who experience conflict engage in little or limited reflection on the experience during or following the conflict.  Reflection, however, plays a key role in helping people manage the emotional impact of conflict, create a greater range of options for dealing with it and learn about themselves, others and the way communities and organisations function.  Reflection is a way of raising the quality of our thinking and action.  However, given that reflection requires that we reconnect with an experience that has been painful, damaging to our self-esteem and has likely had undesired consequences for ourselves and others, it is no wonder that we tend to avoid it.

Most of us need help to reflect or deepen our reflection on conflict so that it will be productive.  Otherwise we may recapitulate the painful experience without any benefit.  Such help can transform conflict into a meaningful and life/work enhancing experience, changing our understanding and attitude to conflict as well as our ability to handle it constructively.  The skills of reflection will also help us learn in many other experiences in our lives. 

Peoples experience of conflict is often, at least initially, one of being subjected to unacceptable or unbearable behaviour by another; being frustrated at not being able to influence or even talk about it with another who may be denying there is a problem or refusing to discuss it.  It may not be clear or agreed what the conflict is about, just that the relationship is not working or has broken down.  In response to such blocking or denial we may feel anger or retaliate without being clear what the conflict is about.  Typical responses might be to unilaterally jump to conclusions as to what the conflict is about, blame the other and break off contact or the relationship.

Quality reflection can help us to appreciate the complexity of causal factors, shift our feelings of powerlessness and generate a range of options for dealing with the situation - including maintaining the relationship.  While such reflection does not guarantee that we will solve the conflict it will help us move out of the victim position, reduce the emotional impact, learn from the experience and find other ways of meeting our needs.

In order to be able to reflect we have to be able to both tell the story and get outside of it or stand back from it.  It is often helpful to first write out what happened and then go back, so to speak, to the experience to reflect on it.  (With more practise in reflecting it will be possible to do this in the moment, in the midst of the conflict and alter its course as it happens.)  Reflection is a process of re-membering and re-experiencing the different events and responses to the conflict and assembling them into a coherent story upon which to reflect.  It entails bringing into consciousness aspects of which one was unaware at the time, of extending ones way of perceiving and understanding the events which occur; of drawing new insights and learning from the experience of self, the opponent, the issues in conflict and the context or setting in which the conflict takes place.

Improving the quality of reflection requires that we raise the quality of our thinking processes.  The quality of our thinking is often governed by the quality of the lenses - the concepts, models, theories of conflict, human functioning, communication, social organisation, etc., through which we reflect on our experience.  For most people these mindsets or theories will be unarticulated or lacking, which is why help may be needed to ensure quality of reflection.  Learning the various models and theories is not an option for most but help may come initially at least in the form of increasingly challenging questions that stretch and deepen reflection.

Jordan and Lundin suggest a number of core types of question.

1. "What" questions - that elicit and organise one's perceptions and interpretations of different dimensions of own, other's experiences of what happened, creating a coherent story including what the issues and context are, external events and subjective response.
2. "What do I feel about it" questions - that evaluate the experience and clarifying one's stance and opinion in response to events as perceived and interpreted.
3. "Why" questions - that explore the underlying reasons or explanations for the how and why things are the way they are.
4. "What can I do" questions - that generate options and choices for improving the situation, the relationship, resolving the conflict, etc.

Jordan and Lundin apply each of these types of questions to a range of topics about the conflict, the context, self and other to aid reflection.  Very few people will spontaneously reflect across the range of questions suggested, most of us will be selective in one area or another or lack the multiple perspectives suggested by the questions.  The increasing depth of the questions and the answers given often indicate the quality of the reflection in which the person is engaging.  The emphasis is on using the framework of questions to improve the quality of reflection and the benefits.

The truth is that we are generally very poor at handling conflict.  We have often reacted defensively to potential threat or the relationship difficulties before we even realise what the issues are, what is at stake or what is at risk.  We tend to react to the overt visible behaviour rather than in the light of an understanding of underlying causes or motivations in ourselves and others.  We assume we know the truth of their intentions even though they may be denying the conflict or rejecting our attempts to explore it with them.  Our instinctive reactions to the presenting behaviour, grounded in shallow or limited understanding, will often personalise, blame, exacerbate or escalate an already difficult situation.

Theory helps us to realise that we ourselves - our personality, beliefs, values, the way we handle our emotions, behaviour, and so on, influences the way we handle conflict.  Likewise the same is true for our opponents in conflict; but gaining insight here is more difficult because we have less factual information available to us to reflect on, especially when the conflict is accompanied by communication breakdown.  The issues involved in protracted conflict are often complex and can rarely be reduced or attributed solely to the presenting problematic behaviour.  Simple notions of causality are unlikely to uncover the meaning of the conflict and highlight what is at stake or what is at risk.  Ultimately it is the meaning of a conflict rather than the events that matter; we have to be able to dig deeper.  The context is always (though often overlooked) a contributory factor in the generation and maintenance of conflict whether at home, workplace or society.  Here too reflection can help us be more aware of the complexity of factors that cause conflict such as role or responsibility confusion, culture, environmental stress, etc.  Regrettably, we often take the easy option and blame another rather than take the time to raise to consciousness the contextual underpinning and web of influence.

In the heat of the moment it is often difficult to be aware of the value judgements we are make, of the alienating language we use, of the values that are important to us, and so on.  We can get caught up in the fray and forget that we and the other are enmeshed in the web of context.  We can end up fighting over issues or events that are less important and miss those that are important if we have not reflected on the issues, what is priority and worth fighting for.  Reflection after the event can help us go back and remedy our mistakes.  Reflection during the conflict and in the midst of the fray can help us change the outcome of the conflict, learn from it and even prevent it happening - or at least the destructive consequences.

Finally, "point of view" or where we reflect from can determine the quality of our reflection.  Most of us find it easier to reflect from our own point of view, through our own worldview, beliefs, values and so on, though we often need help to become aware of these.  As we explore our own complex identities we discover that we are made up of sub-personalities, which have their own views, values, and mindsets that makes reflection from the point of view of our several selves more complicated if all the more rewarding.  Reflecting from the point of view of the other entails imaginatively getting into the other's shoes, empathising with their perspective and creating a coherent story that makes their stance, conclusions and behaviour meaningful.  A third but equally essential viewpoint is that of the "witness", a viewpoint of non-attachment, which is neither for nor against, but is one that can helicopter above the situation providing an objective perspective.  This includes being able to reflect on the relationship between the protagonists as a system or dynamic: not from within as we normally do but from without or above.  The richness that arises from being able to switch perspectives not only adds to our understanding and choice, it makes us less vulnerable to the negative emotional impact of conflict and opens the way to transform both self and conflict.

Insights