Insight : Unconscious interpersonal complications in conflict interaction

Projection: When in conflict we often project unaware or disowned aspects of ourselves on to others. That is to say that we perceive as belonging to others what really belongs to ourselves. The perception may also be true of the person onto whom we project but it is often only minimally so. Projections can be positive and improve interaction but are more often negative in conflict interaction. For example we may see others as bullying, as angry, or as unyielding but are blind to the fact that is also and more true of ourselves. Projection can cause considerable confusion and complication when trying to sort out conflict especially if we are not aware that it can happen. Open discussion of the projection may not be enough especially if there is no commitment to developing self awareness among parties. The greater the self-awareness and self-disclosure the less likely it is to happen or become troublesome. Alertness to the possibility, ability to recognise the signs of projection, and willingness to inquire into the interaction are needed to withdraw the projection and relieve the confusion.

Transference: Likewise transference, or the unaware confusion of past events with current experience and relationships, is another unconscious process that can complicate or distort our relating and communicating - all the more so during conflict interaction. For example, impasse in conflict with one’s boss may be complicated by unresolved past conflict with e.g. a parent or teacher, that is being triggered by a resemblance of some kind with the boss, and transferred into the current situation. When efforts to resolve differences and move on in the current situation seem not to be working it is worth asking who or what the current situation reminds you of from your past. It may focus attention on what is being transferred and at least help separate one from the other, if not transform both situations and allow progress to be made.