In favour of positive use of power

A significant measure of maturity is how people use their powers and the purposes for which they use them.  Power that is put in service to valued goals, that balances self-interest and the interests of others, that when transparently and legitimately exercised maintains a healthy mutuality and balance of power, is exciting and uplifting.  But there is no set of prescriptions that tell us how to use power wisely in all situations.  The best we can probably do for the moment is to have a set of principles and values that guide our use of it and have in place checks and balances that avoid the major pitfalls of power-abuse.  Our challenge is to explore how our powers can be exercised in a constructive and respectful manner.

Power is ethically neutral - it can be used for constructive or destructive purposes, self-interest or the good of others, or both at the same time.  But power seekers and wielders are often treated warily - it is usually interpreted as seeking power 'over' others.  Power accumulation and wielding triggers intense emotions - fear, envy, jealousy greed and so on.  Many fear becoming possessed by it - addicted to it, unable to handle it or even being destroyed by using it, as in the popular story of the ring-bearers in Lord of the Rings.  People are afraid of it - 'power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely' so we are told.  With such negative messaging we tend to avoid discussing power and thus deprive ourselves of the opportunity to learn about it and to use it better, both individually and collectively.  

Power differences do exist.  We cannot get away from or get rid of these differences so we need to focus on how we use them, balance power differences and maximise/ distribute the benefits which accrue from their use.  Subconsciously, we are hard-wired to use power for self-assertion and protection and often take shortcuts of coercion or domination to achieve our goals when the pressure is on.  The journey towards conscious and constructive use of our powers is one of awareness and learning, which we must travel individually and collectively if we are to move beyond the reactive, unconscious, instinctual and potentially destructive ways that we commonly use power to resolve our conflicts.

Foundations of effective and non-oppressive use of power

There is no magic prescription, but it is helpful to view the exercise of power in a constructive and relationship enhancing manner during conflict as being based on five critical foundations:

1. Consciousness foundation: e.g. awareness of own bias, assumptions and values; the discovery/ acknowledgement of one's own powers and privileges - their use and impact; of differences and rank and their significance in the conflict context; of one's victim and persecutor tendencies, gaps in self-awareness and so on.

2. Values foundation: Values guide us as to what is a good use of power or what good is worth using power for.  So our thought, feeling and action can be guided by what is important rather than simply reacting to the hurt or immediate sense of threat we experience in the midst of conflict.

3. Relationship foundation: Relationships need to be robust to contain/ transform friction and conflict.  E.g. need to build trust following a breakdown; find a way of equalising power relations without denying the inequalities with regard to different kinds of power; enhance sensitivity to others through empathy and compassion; seek out one's blind spots in awareness of others, etc.

4. Skills foundation: e.g. how to de-escalate a conflict, to equalise power-relations, to interrupt dependency, to share or distribute power, to respond constructively to attack, etc.

5. Understanding of  power and conflict dynamics: illuminate why the foundations above are important and guide us when to use them.  e.g. understanding that those who appear powerful are also weak with respect to other kinds of power such as emotional or awareness; or that 'victims' may have power and rank that they are unaware of and may use oppressively such as moral or ethical rank by occupying the high moral ground.

Here, I elaborate a little on each foundation.

Consciousness

A critical task in the effective but unoppressive use of power is to work on our inner tendencies, drives, desires and defensive stratagems.  Dealing with our own inner tyrant can be as troublesome as dealing with the one in a social setting.  We need to explore how we can bring about and maintain deep democracy within ourselves so we can share and exercise power in a harmless but constructive manner in social settings.   Dealing with our own addictions, sense of inferiority, lack of awareness and skill in using our power, transcending our own sense of powerlessness, etc. are essential if we are to exercise power in a beneficial and uplifting manner in a social setting.

We need to become conscious of our own power, rank and privilege - much power misuse/ abuse arises out of a lack of awareness of one's rank and power and its impact on others.  We need to become conscious of our defensive reactions and learn to recover quickly from our defensive positions and the destructive uses of power that go with them.   As we do our own inner-work we realise that failure to be conscious of our powers or not having the courage to exercise them, also contributes to the ineffective, oppressive, use and abuse of power.  Without discounting the challenge of developing social structures and culture and building better relationships, the foundations of the uplifting exercise of power lie in the development of personal and collective awareness.

Conflict itself is often a consciousness raising process.  Conflict highlights power differentials and inequities.  It is often generated when those with less power begin to challenge the inequities in power, rank and privilege and their abuse and misuse.  As such conflict is an opportunity to surface awareness of such power differentials and inequities or injustices; a chance to make a shift or change in existing power relations; and for the better distribution of benefits in the organisation or community. 

Relationship

Power is relative - it is a dimension of the relationship between people - it is not distributed equally.  Conflict always draws attention to the imbalances in power between antagonists even though these are usually hidden or undiscussable.  Dependency underpins many conflict dynamics while independent or unilateral exercise of power can equally undermine trust and lead to relationship breakdown.  Conscious and freely chosen interdependence rather than forced compliance best supports collaboration and power sharing.  The balancing of power is central to most methods of conflict resolution and transformation and changing existing power relations is core to some. 

The way power is exercised is a good predictor of success in resolving everyday interpersonal conflicts.  The relative power of antagonists, their consciousness of it and how they handle their respective powers to advance their own or block the others needs, interests and values are critical to a satisfactory outcome and sustainable relationship.  When individual powers are used to benefit all parties to the conflict rather than to dominate, subordinate or take advantage, positive outcomes are more likely.

Conflict can often be an example of regulatory or rebalancing forces in action.  It may create an opportunity to change an unhealthy imbalance in power relations.  Simply finding a solution to the presenting conflict without addressing the underlying imbalance will most likely lead to its recurrence where the imbalance is a generative factor.  The regulatory, controlling or inhibiting use of power is essential, however, we need to be alert to the tendency of power used in this way to become a way (driven by vested/ partial interest) of subordinating, marginalizing, excluding or preventing others from using their power constructively.

Building a sustainable relationship requires an ongoing inquiry into the interplay of power between those in relationship.  People are rarely equal in respect of any given type of power, yet good relationships require a mutuality and a balancing of powers if they are to sustain the interdependence needed for cooperative working and partnership.  Unilateral exercise of power tends to reduce openness, communication and trust especially in conflict scenarios.  So finding ways of distributing or sharing power between partners whether through shared decision-making, vision building, collaborative dialogue, action or value setting, needs to be an ongoing subject of inquiry and review to maintain the vitality of the relationship and the efficacy of powers exercised.

A strong relationship needs to be built to contain the heat of robust exercise of power, but where this cannot be achieved in advance, time needs to be taken to create it before the conflict is worked on.  For example, by creating and adhering to a trust-building, working contract that creates sufficient safety for dialogue, is robust enough to withstand the stresses generated by the conflict or to contain the conflict so that it can transform through the engagement.  This might include, for example, agreeing ground rules such as 'no power-plays and no walking away' as tactical ploys to gain advantage, marginalize the less powerful or to prevent communication or resolution. 

Values

Values tell us what is important to us and much conflict continues because people have not clarified what is important and what is most important to them and therefore get caught up in the reactive chaos of the conflict without a sense of orientation or purpose.  Winning, blaming, establishing who is right, avoiding responsibility and defensive responses take over and what is important gets lost or occluded.  The conflict helps to clarify what is important, but it is often only when the conflict is over and the damage done to our relationships that we become clear about what is most important to us.

It is difficult to clarify what is important in the midst of the maelstrom of conflict and it can help greatly if we can communicate clearly from the outset what is important to us as well as the relative importance of different needs and values, especially where we are experiencing inner conflict in relation to our needs and values.  This is best done without the pressure and distorting effect of interpersonal conflict, if we are to choose our values freely, from among alternatives, and commit to living them actively.  Otherwise we will tend to project this conflict outwards where it will exacerbate and complicate interpersonal conflict.  At the very least, we need to be conscious of the need to clarify our values and needs and this may mean slowing down the conflict and giving our selves time to do so - and it does take time and support.

Our values will also guide us as to what is the way to behave - or not to behave - for example, to equalize and share power, avoid manipulating dependencies or taking advantage of weakness, protect the other's good name, keep your promises, respect the others point of view, etc.

However, to sustain relationship, one must not just clarify ones own values but also develop shared values or a way of respecting and accommodating each others values, rather than simply trying to impose ones values on the other.  Both end values and instrumental values need to be considered.

Skills and strategies

A key challenge in relationship and conflict is to balance different ways or modes of using power.   Different kinds or sources of power can be wielded in a variety of ways that have very different types of impact and serve different purposes.  For example, we can use power in unilateral, collaborative, distributive or transformative ways.  The key to using power in a harmless, uplifting and beneficial manner requires that we find an appropriate balance between these various ways of exercising our powers.  For example, in working on conflict, unilateral use of power often serves to diminish trust, openness, communication and escalate the conflict, while collaborative use of power tends to have the opposite effect and increase the likelihood of a more satisfactory and sustainable resolution.  However, unilateral use of power is sometimes needed to establish collaborative, distributive or transformative modalities, e.g. when I unilaterally insist on power-sharing.  Transformative use of power helps surface and shift the conflict generators and open up new potential for mutually beneficial collaboration.  It also includes being vulnerable to being influenced/changed by your protagonist, which is the opposite of what we tend to do when we are defending our position when in conflict.

Another important skill is to counter our tendency to operate our power in secret or hidden ways to gain the tactical advantage of surprise.  A good test of legitimate use of power is transparency - e.g. of openly stating in advance one's intention and proposed action, thus giving others the opportunity to challenge or oppose or even prevent such action.  Equally potent are the skills of making challenges to your power, rank and privilege less costly for those with less power or strengthening the position of the antagonist, helping them build their credibility, legitimacy and inclusion.

Understanding power and conflict dynamics

Power is manifold and comes in many different forms not just the generally understood social meanings such as the ability to coerce or influence behaviour, make things happen or inhibit them from happening.  By power, I also refer to access to and use of power sources whether social, personal or material, e.g. intellectual or emotional competence, spiritual presence, referent power, insider knowledge, economic power or social status.  At its simplest, power can be understood in terms of our ability to create and exercise choice, but the list of different kinds or sources of power that we may wield is usually far greater than we are aware of.

Many power struggles reach stalemate and become wars of attrition, not because strength is equally matched by strength as we commonly believe, but because weakness is matched by weakness.  E.g. whether through blindness lack of consciousness or skill, parties to the conflict do not have or exercise the powers needed to resolve and transform the conflict.

Understanding the dynamics and operation of power is essential for the leader and facilitator of conflict and protagonists alike.  We need to be able to recognise power, the many kinds of power and respect it, support it, relocate it, remove it, reward it, protect ourselves against it as necessary.  We need to understand what ends or vision are being served by power; we need to ensure that those who need power to serve a shared vision are in a position to do so; we need to share and balance the powers of any given part so it is less likely to be abused; need to know what power to use and when not to use it. 

Like the ring of power in the Lord of the Rings, power possesses the bearer despite the common illusion of the ring-bearer that they are the one in control.  Power, as the story of Frodo illustrates, can be a heavy responsibility to bear.  The road to effective but harmless use power is likely to be a long journey and one central to the story of human development.  The tendency of power to possess and corrupt its bearer is borne out in many of the great stories in literature and history.  We would do well not to become complacent when we begin to activate and use our diverse powers but neither can we abdicate or fail to exercise them.