One individual - different identities: sub-personalities and intra-personal conflict

To say that there is an intra-personal conflict is to say that two or more parties within us are fighting or are engaged in an internal struggle of some kind.  For many, the notion that they are made up of not one but multiple selves or sub-personalities - many identities or voices within the one individual - is daunting if not incomprehensible.  For others it is taken for granted and used on a daily basis for expanding conscious, self-development and transforming conflict.

The notion that we have multiple selves or sub-personalities is becoming increasingly accepted. This is reflected in some great characters in literature such as Jekyll and Hyde, Steppenwolf's Harry or Faust's Mephisto; in popular psychology such as Berne's (Transactional Analysis) notion that we have within us parent, adult and child states deriving from our functional adaptations to the increasing complexity of living; or in our experience of playing multiple roles in every day life - mother, employee, partner, artist, etc.  As we know from literature, experience and psychology, these multiple selves often find themselves in conflict - inner conflict - and trouble us greatly in both inner and social environments.

There are some who would suggest that all conflict is inner conflict, symptomatic of it, or at least that inner and outer conflict are intimately interlinked.  For example, we project unacknowledged or disowned parts of ourselves on to others and conversely we introject or internalise aspects of our parental experience which gives rise to our inner parent state.  If we are have trouble accommodating emotions within ourselves we will have trouble dealing with emotions in a group situation and so on.

What is clear is that lack of awareness of the intra-personal dimension of interpersonal or group conflict is like being blind in one eye but not knowing it, while continuing to believe that one has the depth of vision afforded by two eyes. Further, the ability to be conscious of one's inner conflict and to be able to contain it rather than act it out is beneficial and an indicator of what we call maturity. To deny inner conflict reflects a lower level of maturity and social competence. This article explores some dimensions of intra-personal conflict and what might be entailed in developing such maturity.

Internal conflicts, like social ones, are often hidden and continue below the level of awareness, use up enormous amounts of our energy and time that could be available for other purposes, and limit our satisfaction, development and effectiveness. The challenge is to become aware of their existence, significance and meaning and how to engage with them, and resolve or transform them.

Since we are in conflict with ourselves so to speak, it is difficult to get the help we need if we are not able to deal with these inner conflicts internally.  Without a high level of sophistication, it is usually too difficult to work on such conflicts within our inner landscape so we need ways of bringing them out into the open, to externalise this internal world, to understand them and engage help. 

Often the easiest place to begin is to use a cushion or location to represent one voice or polarity of the conflict and to do the same for any other voices or parties as they emerge, maintaining separate locations for each party while the individual occupies and speaks from each location as if they were engaged in an interpersonal dialogue. Sometimes this can mean giving voice to a pain or emotion we are experiencing, a part of the body or a dream figure.  This can be embarrassing or challenging work to begin with, especially if one is sceptical about the existence of sub-personalities or inner conflict in the first place.  However it becomes easier as the exercise progresses and consciousness of the parties engaged in the internal struggle and the meaning of it emerge.  A good listener and helper is always of benefit, especially in the early stages, or the professional help of a coach or counsellor if needed.

Recognising inner conflict

As in organisations and communities, most internal conflict remains hidden or is suppressed, usually by a dominant or controlling group of sub-personalities in favour of maintaining the cohesion of the personality as a whole. There is considerable pressure from within to contain and hide conflict between sub-personalities and also from the social world without, as a unified and coherent personality is valued and demanded by society. However, dissonant voices from within, other than those of the controlling coalition are often detectable if one listens closely and give an inkling of the conflict that exists within the personality.

More often than not, it is through conflict, and the pain and disturbance that attend it, that we initially become aware of our multiple selves. For example if we are anxious about making a decision or its consequences we say things such as "I'm in two minds", "On the one hand... and on the other...", "My head tells me one thing my heart another", and so on.  Or we may be experiencing pain, be blocked or at an impasse which when explored expose underlying unresolved conflicts that are holding us back. 

Equally, recognition of sub-personalities in conflict may come through feedback from others about our mixed or double messages such as mismatch between the content of what we say and manner of saying it, between our declared beliefs or between our values and our behaviour. Congruence is the various parts working in harmony and cooperation - the whole person acting at once. Incongruence or dissonance reflects a misalignment or struggle between sub-personalities.

Most of us have inner parts that we feel ashamed of and try to hide from others - the shadow side or despised image of ourselves that we conceal. This often entails constructing, often unawarely, a false self, a mask we present to the world to protect or shield our more vulnerable parts. The strain created by having to pretend to be other than who we are and the fear of being discovered as an impostor ties up a great deal of energy and limits what we can be and achieve.

For example, as a young student in Ireland, I remember being so ashamed of having to work in a flea market to earn some money that I took a different name only to be met with questioning looks and distrust when I gave my real name in the context of college drama group where someone who knew me from the flea market was also present.  I felt deeply embarrassed and I could not continue both so gave up the flea market rather than admit to my relative penury in the context of student life thus depriving myself of much needed income.  By dropping my income generating activity I was able to avoid integrating the two dissonant images of myself and meeting the world with both. I was unable to do it at the time and suffered for it.

Becoming conscious through such conflicts can present us with difficult choices that put our identity and self-image at risk.  Not having a choice is often easier and less disturbing to our sense of self; having a choice - usually a difficult one - one that we do not want to face, creates internal stress. We tend to want to avoid stress, and not put parts of us or our fragile identity at risk, and so continue to see ourselves as having no choice - therefore no stress and no responsibility for how things are and how they continue.  However, no control, influence and choice can result in a failure to grow and a slow loss of connection, contraction and personality death. Avoidance of the challenge of facing internal conflict is costly and prevents us realising our potential.  Despite the difficulties, recognising and dealing with inner conflict is probably the better alternative to suffering meaningless pain, stuckness, relationship breakdown or illness, which are often indicative of unresolved hidden conflict.

Conflict and growing awareness of our sub-personalities

Awareness of inner conflict can help us become aware of our sub-personalities. Some sub-personalities tend to dominate our attention and perception - that is to say we are identified with them.  Identification with a sub-personality is often unconscious but it means that when so identified, we often cannot see our bias or recognise the other part of ourselves that is engaged in the internal struggle. This may result in the continuation of the seemingly meaningless pain or disturbance within us or result in us projecting that part of ourselves on to somebody else thus creating relationship difficulties for us in the social world. 

An alternative to identification with a sub-personality is having a sub-personality and can be likened to being a dog or having a dog.  If you are a dog that bites you just bite; whereas if you have a dog that bites you can choose to muzzle it or teach it not to bite, etc.  Being a dog, in this sense, is like being unconsciously identified with a sub-personality and is like being possessed by it and at its mercy, having no perspective or choice in relation to it.  Becoming conscious of a sub-personality enables us to cooperate with it and choose how best to use it. 

This presupposes a consciousness that is outside and independent of the sub-personality. The development and consolidation of this place of observance within us, the place of witness and choice is key to working with sub-personalities and inner conflict. As in the way of working described above, providing a separate cushion or external location from those of the sub-personalities in conflict helps to develop such consciousness.

The cultivation of such a locus of conscious can help us deal with some of the great/archetypal inner tensions/conflicts that we all tend to deal with at one time or another through our sub-personalities. These are age-old tensions that can tear us apart and undermine us or help us transform our selves and our world depending on how we resolve them. They are the core tensions between love and will/power; change versus maintenance of status quo; work and play; pursuing ideals at all costs versus making sure things work at reasonable cost; freedom and intimacy; head and heart; discipline in pursuit of vision and immediate gratification.  The balance we strike plays no small part in our future.